Miss Independent

Miss Independent

Remember that Kelly Clarkson song?

Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don’t let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She’d never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive…

How many of you all feel like your independence is a double edged sword? Don’t be shy it’s okay! Trust me, there’s a whole bunch of Oprah’s out here, and most recently Jeannie Mai allowed her independence to END her marriage.

Lets define independent woman: a female who is free from outside control; not depending on another’s authority. Financially, emotionally or otherwise. This woman does not need a partner for a thing. Gone are the times where a woman would stay home with her parents until her spouse came and rescued her. Now, we have full careers, some of us buy homes, cars, and once your spouse arrives he isn’t NEEDED he’s WANTED.

Is this where the issues begin for the new generation of daters? We used to have gender roles. Let’s be clear, I don’t believe we need to have traditional roles… however the person you choose to be with should bring something to your life that you are missing. What is the woman missing who has it all? It’s something intangible, it’s something INSIDE. That’s what a lot of relationships are missing, an unbreakable soul tie that has nothing to do with money, cars and trips. Miss Independent wants to laugh after a long day of running her business. Miss Independent wants a guy who will listen to her ramblings. But most importantly Miss Independent wants a guy who will respect her independence and not belittle it.

Here in lies the problem.

The generation of men now (forgive me good guys) offer nothing but sex and bullshit. For the good ones who have more than sex to offer, are independent themselves and are willing to connect intellectually …they are so few and far between. Frankly it’s hard to identify a ‘good guy’ when you’ve dealt with the bullshit for so long. 

So to answer Ms Clarksons question: Miss Independent is too focused on her OWN security to fulfill and satisfy a mans IN-security. But sadly it’s a double edged sword and this independence causes her to miss out on what could possibly be her blessing. 

Miss independent has to step OUTSIDE of herself to find herself and THAT is hard when there’s no one to catch you if you fall. But what if you soar darling?


I promise I’m not bitter you guys. In fact I’m better because I’ve acknowledged my own flaws and capabilities. These posts about unfortunate events in love and life are my way of letting you know, you can still thrive in spite of heart break and let downs. I know I have. 


21 thoughts on “Miss Independent

  1. I’ll just say that being independent FOR ME has nothing to do with male bashing, selfishness or arrogance. If a woman truly is independent, she will readily admit that any independence that she has is all relative. No successful man or woman is an island.

  2. There’s nothing wrong with being independent until it interferes with allowing someone to come into your life and support your ups and downs in life. Some ladies take these songs too seriously and then lose out on love.

    1. I must say I have to agree with Kat’s comments. To single out an entire generation of men, is kind of like generalizing an entire race or ethnic group. Growing up in a household where my mother outearned my father during a time when it wasn’t seen as traditional…I have always looked up to and admired the ambitious woman.

      **Speaking on behalf of the generation of men that do value intellectual stimulation as much as, if not more than, sexual.

  3. I believe you can have the best of both with the right mate. I prefer to let a man operate in his natural state so to speak, so I don’t mind a mate who leads in certain areas of your life together.

  4. I’m married but get where you’re coming from. “Now, we have full careers, some of us buy homes, cars, and once your spouse arrives he isn’t NEEDED he’s WANTED.” This thought and idea remains true because men have become so weak and women have been taught not to need one for anything, girl, you need to be able to handle things on your own. There’s a fine line with independence and women are losing when it comes to family and relationships

  5. This, “Miss Independent wants a guy who will respect her independence and not belittle it.” This is so important! Respect in all ways is so important in an actual fruitful relationship. I wish nothing but happiness for your heart.

  6. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with being independent and loving yourself first. You have to know whose(Royalty-Daughter of the highest King) you are and love yourself before you can share the love with the prince God has designed just for you.

  7. I think that you can have both in a relationship. I hate to hear that Jeannie’s relationship is fizzling out, but it is import to have a clear understanding about goals and how career driven you both are willing to be in the relationship. Not understanding each others expectations can really harm a relationship.

  8. I think most Ms. Independent women has come about because women dont have a guy to depend on . So instead of waiting around for guy to but them a house etc, they have decided I will go after my career, but my car, own a business etc. With that being said if a great guy does come along we have to allow men to be men. Some women are so independent they dont allow then men to lead, which becomes a problem. I don’t technically need a man but I WANT a men, there are just some things I cant do for myself.

  9. I am working on finding my independence. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being independent. I do think if you want to have someone in your life you have to make room for them. You can’t forget about your partner and their needs or your own needs that you can’t fulfill yourself.

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