Stay Away Unless You Are THESE 5 Things

Stay Away Unless You Are THESE 5 Things

The more I date, the more I realize that I set standards for myself and disregard them as soon as attraction sets in. Does anybody else feel me? He’s a Shemar Moore in the face but has the attitude of T.I. Or he’s Ryan Gosling in the flesh but has the brain of Beavis and Butthead. The question I began to ask myself was: why do I keep meeting these unqualified or underqualified men?

I had not stuck to my own rules. Isn’t that how they work? Rules work as long as they’re followed? Unfortunately, I allowed my own insecurities to make me more open to…well: Fuck Boys. So what does it take? Not much.

  1. Consistency. I have no time for men playing double dutch with my heart, either you are in or you aren’t. This consistency also is required once we are IN a relationship. Consistently making an effort to treat me as you did when we were courting is important. This is in regards to dates, making me a priority…and this brings me to #2
  2. Communication. How many times have I had communication issues in a relationship?? Endless. Be mindful of what your partner is expecting from you. Some people are comfortable with speaking to their partner once a week, others once a day. If you don’t have any communication standards don’t be selfish by thinking your partner is the same way. I for one enjoy being nagged consistently via text, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, phone, facetime, Pinterest, FaceBook, Moodle, Blackboard, e-mail, or even old school pigeon mail. Other’s might think that’s overboard…but hey.

3. Class. We all come from different backgrounds, therefore etiquette and behavorial standards will differ. But what you won’t do is walk ahead of me on the street, nor will I open my own doors. How do you let a man know that you have preferences in this regard? Open up the conversation by asking about his preferences or non-negotiables in the relationship. This will allow you to state your own without coming across as harsh or overbearing.

4. Cash. Need I explain? Gone are the days of women staying at home, most of the time we are 50-50 if not 60 (women)-40. Currently, I find it extremely hard to find a man who can match me financially. If I want to be apart of a persons life, I’d like to be an asset, and that person should do the same.

5. Compromise. The ability to compromise is essential in a relationship. Nowadays, I find most men (I attract) are hard headed and stubborn. This leads to arguments and unresolved issues. Let’s face it, arguments are inevitable, but being able to agree to disagree to make peace is required.


These are my 5 non negotiable standards. Standards will help lead you in the right direction. If the person doesn’t fit these criteria I have made a decision to just cut it before it goes any further. What about you guys? Do you guys have standards for your perfect mate?

18 thoughts on “Stay Away Unless You Are THESE 5 Things

  1. I can definitely relate to what you say about relaxing standsrds as soon as attraction starts. It’s soooooo bad. But it’s a thing. I think that’s why I believe dating should be pursued with very little emotion involved. Just hanging out, getting to know, good company. An audition of sorts. You can genuinely enjoy someone’s company before being head over heels and tossing your expectations aside. In some cases yea, you may want to relax your standards if it’s something you really want to make work. But in other cases (most cases) there will be regret down the line once the fairy dust settles. Like maybe he ain’t working eight now but somehow still expects you to cook every night when you come home from work. Now you’ve lost the financial matching AND he doesn’t compromise when it would make things easier. Dub.

  2. Great standards. Communication is HUGE! Happy that my boyfriend and I see eye to eye on this and are able to communicate very freely and openly. Too many times a lack of communication or mixed signals has caused strife.

  3. Yes!!! Number 5 though! When did being stubborn become a trend? I’m so glad my other half is willing to compromise with me because he hear so many of our friends with relationship problems solely because they have no idea how to come to a decision TOGETHER.

  4. Great article. It is always great to set standards for what we want and need in life.

  5. These are great things to set the standard for dating! I think my nonnegotiable before I was married was that he had to be a Christian and just about business and nothing crazy.

  6. Just like you, I make standards and don’t keep them later
    But as time goes on there are some things I can’t settle with
    For me the main thing is communication,
    I really like your list. It’s good to be firm sometimes too

  7. In the beginning I didn’t, it was just about love. Then I lived a bit I had to have some hard fast requirements. As I continue to grow and live I’m sure my specifications will change again.

  8. There are no cookie cutter relationships. Every man needs woman are different so with each relationship you can have standards but they may not apply to all the people you date.

  9. I think it’s so important to have standards in relationships and dating. You can end up in a world of trouble if you don’t.

  10. I think everyone should have standards when dating. It is crazy because some men act this way because the women are allowing it. I got tired of dating, so I’m just doing me. If he comes along, great. If not, I’ll live.

  11. I’ve kept myself off the dating scene for some of these exact reasons. I don’t plan on dating or getting into anything serious any time soon. We are still healing over the loss of my husband/kids father so nope I don’t have time for nonsense

  12. I did have standards for my perfect mate but sometimes you just have to throw some things out the window when you actually meet the love of your life. My partner is definitely not someone I saw myself being with but he’s the one God brought into my life!

  13. These are standards every woman should have! Especially the first one! Consistency is the key to everything in life from relationships to careers. More people need to place value on consistency! Great read!

  14. I agree with this list! I have standards too and people are constantly saying my standards are too much or not realistic. It’s a shame because all I am mainly asking for is #1 (consistency) and #5 (compromise). Although, I feel like I too get lenient on my standards if I am infatuated with the person for a little bit. That is usually short lived. This has inspired me to write down my core standards or values for a relationship to remind myself to follow through with them as you said in the blog. Great advice!!

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