Hey All. As Spring emerges I’ve begun thinking about the things I am leaving behind in the winter. I would consider this an emotional “spring cleaning.” Among those cobwebs, dust and old clothes that I’m getting rid of in my emotional closet is the bitterness of being a single mom. Most of the time that title brings forth negative thoughts, not just from the mom, but from the people you encounter. It’s almost as though people feel some sense of pity when they discover you are a single parent. But not I, honey, I am proud! I wear a hat that others shy away from and I do it with class and precision.
My pregnancy story (which I’ll blog about later) did not include an engagement or fancy fairy tale wedding at the end. Just a mom fighting to make the best life for her son. These are the reasons why I am happy about being a single mom.
1. I have peace. I am comfortable making decisions on my own without drama or combativeness. Sometimes being the person who is single handedly responsible for making the big choices can be daunting. BUT the other options can be worse than daunting. I try my best to avoid tension, and in my situation it’s just easier if I do it myself rather than A) arguing, B) waiting for an answer that will never come or C) overcoming the anxiety that occurs when having to depend on someone who is less than dependable. The definition of peace is: freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility. When deciding to take the reigns as the parent there will always be small forest fires, but considering I’ve been doing this for almost 10 years the flames have been tamed. Now don’t get me wrong it is difficult at times but no path is smooth during a long trip.
2. My son is doing well. I find that the women raising future men have so many obstacles to overcome. How can a woman raise a man? The key is finding that right village. Doesn’t it still take a village to raise a child? So many people have lost sight of the village! When I was growing up I had at least three mother figures and the same for father figures. I think many of the new aged parents have been forced to endure tough situations, where maybe they didn’t have a father figure, and now their child does not have much of one either. It is very unfortunate. Luckily, in my case, I was raised by an amazing father who is very much involved in my sons life. Part of my sons success (don’t think it’s all bubble gum and roses he has his moments) is due to me paying attention to his behavior, maintaining a schedule, and always having a back up plan. And in the midst of all the junk I do (school, work, blog, networking) I always find time for he and I to have some time together.
3. I just stopped giving a damn. Aside from the renewed sense of peace and my son doing well…I honestly just stopped giving a fuck about what the other parent was or wasn’t going to do. No shade. I just can’t stress myself about it. I know I GOT IT! I think some people wallow in their sorrows for so long they become more obsessed with the non custodial parent than there ability to be a single parent. Get your job done! You have been given a responsibility, and although some people don’t feel obligated to their responsibilities, don’t be so distracted and distraught that you stray away from yours.
Okay…that’s my rant on my renewed sense of clarity. Does anybody feel the same? Or different? Let me know in the comments.
1. Sweater Poncho: Boohoo
2. Hat: Boohoo
3. Boots: One and Only (locally owned boutique) similar ones HERE
4. MCM clutch: Came with a larger bag HERE